I know, I know, but…

On Sat, Nov 16, 2013 at 8:56 AM, S– T– <s–@frontiernet.net> wrote:

Ms. Chiarini:
Wouldn’t it be better and simpler if the culture of this country gave it up?  I mean calling people wearing their birthday suits or posing in suggestive ways PORN is a bit much.  It all starts when children go from being happy to parade around naked to being told to cover up.  Female breasts are the subject of censorship.  Nursing mothers have had to fight for the right to breast feed in public.
Sometime ago I had a medical procedure done at a hospital.  Was told to disrobe and put on one of those gowns with the back open.  Then, was told to follow the nurse to the examination room.  Noticing that I hadn’t done the best job closing up the back of the gown I was scolded by the nurse.  Huh?
There are  billions of people on the planet and they all have either Earth Space Suit A or Earth Space Suit B.   Show me what you’ve got and I’ll show me mine is like picking up a grain of sand and declaring it unique except for the trillions of other grains of sand.
Every generation believes they invented sex.  Older people are often asked if they ever did so and so.  Huh?
There is nothing new under the Sun.
Honestly, I don’t get the uproar over what took place in your life.  Do you have something unique your clothes cover up?  Have you engaged in some form of physical or sexual activity which is a first?  Hmmm.
European attitudes toward nudity are much healthier than what is found in this country.
Suppose you had reacted differently to what was allegedly done to you?  I think the world would have been better off.
As for me, I have learned more as an older person than I ever knew as a young person.  The female anatomy is not a subject taught.  It should be.  Males are ignorant about so much as a group.  Even females are not fully informed about the space suit they are wearing.
Getting pregnant, giving birth, etc. are just poorly understood.  The age 17 is supposedly the average age for females to lose their virginity.  We both know under what circumstances most of that took place.  Not good and not healthy.
Bottom line is I wish you had an agenda and a campaign that was more adult and enlightened.
W.R. (S–) T–
Married Man of 47 years and still learning about life


Thank you for your feedback and your insights.
Perhaps my agenda would be more adult and enlightened if it didn’t have to address childish behaviors. What we are looking at is not an issue of nudity, porn, or sexuality. It is an issue of betrayal and the desire to hurt and shame. The perpetrators seek to accomplish one thing – to destroy – and they do so by pitching a hissy fit on the Internet. Fueling this is the certainty that they will be successful because they have the moral majority on their sides.
As you noted, most of society views sexuality as a dirty, naughty, subversive thing that should never, ever be revealed or brought into the light. That overriding Puritanical attitude is what causes the damage to victims – they are fired from jobs for being sexual; they are stalked and threatened for being sexual; they lose the respect of family and friends for being sexual.
Regardless of how a victim reacted, he or she would still be looked upon as a pariah. A dirty, sexual misfit who should be locked in a dark room to dwell with the shame of having a libido.
And yes…it would be very much so incredibly better and simpler if the culture of this country just gave it up.
Maybe one day they will.
Until then, I’m going to continue to reach out to the pariah and let him or her know that there are some people who get it and they can fight those who don’t.
Yours in the pursuit of healthy sexual attitudes,
Leave a comment


  1. Jessica

     /  November 16, 2013

    Excellent reply!


  2. Thank you Annmarie, I write this to you from Pakistan, I’m a gay man and this is what exactly what happened to me, you at least knew the person who was out to destroy you, I sadly had no idea who is willing to destroy me.


  3. Pierre

     /  November 19, 2013

    Dear Annmarie,

    I tend to agree with W.R. (S–) T–, every generation believes they invented sex.

    I’m not living where you are leaving and I haven’t lived what you’ve been through, so I cannot judge whether the perpetrators will have the moral majority on their side.

    But I honestly don’t think there is such thing as moral majority.

    Everyone’s moral is different (especially when it comes to sex) and I doubt that the majority will be judging you at all. I think the majority doesn’t even know your problem exists.

    It seems to me that the best answer to revenge (any revenge) is to ignore it – if it does not cause any pain, then it’s not revenge, is it?

    But I guess that’s easy to say. I wouldn’t like to be you right now. The moral judgement you receive must feel like an enormous heavy pressure and having the courage to speak up like you did is very impressive – and also a good sign that you have sufficient strength in you to survive.

    In any case, I wish you the best.



  4. John

     /  November 20, 2013

    Just read your article in the Guardian, and as a human being I am appalled by your suffering, and as a male I am ashamed at what you had to go through. Thank God you had the inner-strength and fortitude to come out the other side stronger. And if you haven’t come out the other side, then gain fortitude by knowing that you will some day. Even if your naked images were seen, at least you know that your inner beauty is what matters, and that it will always shine through. I wish you peace and happiness.


  5. You are both absolutely correct. Thank you for your wonderfully articulated posts and for fighting the good fight.


  6. Yeoman Roman

     /  November 25, 2013


    W.R. (S–) T– Made some intelligent comments, but them blew it all by his approach to your response and your feelings. His last sentence is so appalling and so far off the mark, – it just goes to show you that people can have logic type of intelligence, and be completely devoid of emotional awareness and THAT sort of intelligence.

    Of course such people don’t value emotional intelligence, they simply don’t understand what emotions are. Some of these people are sociopaths and they comprise about 1% of the population. His being married 47 years doesn’t mean much except maybe he’s lucky and maybe a little doddering and overly fond of his own opinion. His “Honey, you’ll get over it.” is just pathetic.

    Your response is gracious above and beyond the call of duty. I think you are a fantastic human being and am very sorry that your ex lost his self control and showed what he was really made of. Cowardice and fear of the highest order.

    Everyone needs to have a public face and private face. And we have a right to have different persona, in those realms. To sanitize one’s private life sufficiently that it can be shown in public, is to misunderstand the importance of intimacy. One would lose that ability.

    To be betrayed in any form is very, very hard. To have been betrayed in this fashion, is especially so. You have my empathy.

    I would hope this legislation sweeps through 50 states like a wildfire. I live in PA, let me know how I can help get it passed here.

    PS Cops do not prevent crime. They mostly clean up the bodies and file the paperwork. And they can be smirking and unsympathetic. They see the worst of humanity every day. I don’t envy them.


  7. Ian

     /  November 27, 2013

    “It seems to me that the best answer to revenge (any revenge) is to ignore it – if it does not cause any pain, then it’s not revenge, is it?”

    yeah, and i suppose women should just try to enjoy it if they’re raped too. jesus, if everything she meticulously listed in this post isn’t “pain”, i don’t know what is. but then women have always been told they should concentrate on other people’s rights and ideas before their own.


  8. anyalias

     /  November 27, 2013

    yet another example of a man telling a woman why she should be fighting for others’ rights and ideas before her own. as for the idiotic comment about just ignoring it so that there’s no pain involved, what the f— does the stalking and humiliation etc described sound like if not “pain”?! these levels of privilege are depressing.



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